Buried Alive

Standing here in the hospital garden having my first smoke of the day. I gave up at new year. Started again two weeks ago. Damn it!

A thought just occurred to me. I feel that I can communicate better through the written word than the spoken. When I speak there’s lots of ums and ahs and my sentences seem disjointed as they transfer from my mind to my lips. Maybe that’s just my own paranoia. If not then what else?

Slept badly last night. Bad dreams. Don’t recall what they were. But I get a sense of peril and frantic action. An impotency in controlling events or reaching a goal. Similar to the feeling I imagine one might have if drowning and trapped. 

I’ve been waking up at 5:52 with suspicious frequency lately. Strange…

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