Love And Marriage

In five weeks I expect there will be a certain amount of frantic activity in our house. It will be the day before myself and my fiancée are married at the local registry office.

All four of my children will be staying with us, I have my DBT that day and my fiancée will be having last minute beauty treatment involving hair and nails. All that and a lot more to do in preparation such as preparing the garden, ironing clothes and organising food. I’ve already made up my mind not to panic and just go with the flow. Nothing is more important than standing before the registrar and saying our vows. Everything else really is insignificant upon  consideration. 

Even though we are having a very small wedding (we have each been married twice before) we still have plenty to organise. 

We discovered on the weekend that the dresses we’d bought for my two youngest children do not fit. Yesterday we attempted to exchange them for a bigger size but the store was out of stock and the chain in it’s entirety too! Which means we have had to order alternatives, and hope they fit when we see them again as we may not have the time to exchange again.

We haven’t addressed the catering either. Initially we were just going to order in enough food for the 15 children and 25 adults that will be attending the celebration at our house. To cut costs, and graciously accept offers from family, half of the food will now be homemade. We just have to sit down and work out exactly what is needed. After all my fiancée is gluten intolerant, myself and at least one other guest is vegetarian, and children are notoriously fussy. 

I originally suggested we should elope and get married in secret. Yet as much as my fiancée has no need of an extravagance she still wants to be with family and friends on the big day. Actually, I do too. I know I’ll find being center of attention with my wife difficult but I do so enjoy seeing family together and having fun. The one small fly in the ointment is that now I have given up alcohol there will be pressure for me to drink. I want to be firm and not submit. 

As much as I wouldn’t change a thing about my past, especially my children, I do sometimes entertain the thought that I should have met my fiancée all those years ago before we were both first married, and strangely enough, around the same time. Then I consider how different we were then, and that perhaps we may simply not have connected. Maybe everything we’ve struggled through in the intervening years has shaped us to be the perfect match for one another now.

In five weeks and one day my beautiful and loving fiancée will have become my wife, and for this I feel both humbled and fortunate. We have brought a lot of complexity into each other’s life but that is countered beyond measure by the support, love and passion we share. Although, I do have to stop myself from feeling guilt over how much stress I’ve caused her, and still do, through my mental illness. My responsibility is so immediate that I do find it difficult sometimes to accept that she manages it  as a result of our unity, our bond, the deep connection we have with one another.

I am excited about the wedding, yet far more at the thought of being together for the rest of our lives. I am thrilled by the anticipation of all the experiences we’ll share over years, such as our children becoming adults, the arrival of grandchildren, our exploration of far flung places, and achieving things together. 

Best of all the thought of waking up next to her everyday, and knowing I am her husband and she is my wife.

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