The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

As a safeguarding exercise my CMHT case worker has reported my uncle to the police with regards to the sexual abuse he committed against me when I was 5 years old. My case worker is required by duty to inform the authorities if there is the slightest chance that an abuser is in contact with … Continue reading The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Monster

I saw my CMHT case worker yesterday. The usual questions and answers. The usual praise for the mundane.  Yes, I do see that I am being negative. It is indeed nice to receive recognition for making progress, however small. Yet there is always that critical internal voice reminding me that it's still only progress towards … Continue reading The Monster

Psychedelic Dream

The names used in this blog post have been changed to protect people's identity - and because it's an excuse to have some fun. My best friend Maurice and I sat on the wall outside the corner shop. We had just purchased some cans of cider and were contemplating whether to open one each straight … Continue reading Psychedelic Dream

Mojo Yo-Yo

Yesterday had a poor start, and my mood flipped dramatically as the day progressed... As much as I can rationalise thoughts, feelings and situations I often manage, somehow, to overlook every positive conclusion that I come to and return to the negative. Fear, paranoia, and anger, amongst other emotions, come crashing in and I become … Continue reading Mojo Yo-Yo

A Butcher, Baker And Candlestick Maker Walk Into A Pub…

Ooh, I've just thought of something really funny to say in response to that. But maybe it's not funny. Maybe they'll laugh politely but think I'm an idiot. Maybe they won't laugh at all and everyone will feel awkward. Maybe I'll offend them in some way and they'll hate me, and although I'm not sure … Continue reading A Butcher, Baker And Candlestick Maker Walk Into A Pub…

The Path To Enlightenment

The appointment with my case worker from the CMHT went well yesterday afternoon. She wasn't the person I saw before as I had originally thought. She was however very professional and empathetic, listening to everything I had to say in response to her questions. She was clearly well prepared too, with frequent references to details … Continue reading The Path To Enlightenment

Circles

I'm experiencing too many negative emotions at this moment in time. Anger, confusion, despair, frustration, sadness.  Yesterday (it's just past midnight) I went to see a psychiatrist as instructed by the therapist I saw last Wednesday. The intention was for him to confirm my diagnoses for the benefit of the therapist and to review my … Continue reading Circles